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Embracing the Intermarried
We have enough sociological data
at this point to say that intermarriage
between Jews and non-Jews in
the United States is here to stay.
This presents special challenges to us
as Jews because we are a People traditionally
defined by boundaries. Much
of rabbinic Judaism is the enterprise of
defining what is acceptable and what is
not. But increasingly we find ourselves
dealing, in our society, with more fluid
boundaries. Nothing in our cultural
repertoire, not the ancient Babylonian
Diaspora, or the Golden Age in Spain
or nineteenth-century Germany, has
offered anything like the radical social
and religious freedom of twenty-first
century America. Previous civilizations
may have allowed us internal freedom,
but we always remained surrounded by
invisible walls of distrust, hatred, and
potential persecution. Now that there
are no ghetto walls, all Jews are Jews by
choice.
“Is he or she a Jew?” we want to ask
when we hear about the newly engaged
or married. But, as Rabbi Lawrence
Kushner points out, the category may
be a little open-ended. Most of us
are inclined to suspect that someone
who was not born a Jew but who has
married a Jew and devotes his or her
life to making a Jewish home and
raising Jewish children but who has
refrained from formally converting, say
out of respect to a non-Jewish parent,
is not exactly a non-Jew. Conversely, is
simply being born of a Jewish mother
but not choosing to raise or educate
one’s children as Jews enough to be a
Jew from the standpoint of preserving
Judaism within the family?
Each year hundreds of thousands of
non-Jews fall in love with, marry, and
have children with Jews. They may not
(yet) be willing (or able) to become
Jews, but they have, with their very
lives, thrown in their lot with us. They
are members of our extended family.
And we owe it to them to be nonjudgmental,
welcoming, and joyful
practitioners of our religion.
Explaining the motivation behind
a new initiative of outreach to the
intermarried, UJA-Federation’s task
force report says in its introduction that
intermarried families “are a significant
segment of the rich and increasing
diversity of the New York Jewish
community and have the potential, like
other vulnerable or underrepresented
segments of the Jewish population, to
be more deeply engaged in Jewish life
and to bring their unique perspectives,
talents, commitments and resources to
our joint enterprise.”
In addressing the issue of
intermarriage, our spiritual and cultural
strength is measured not by rigidity and
power, but by the vitality and flexibility
of the response. Here at Brotherhood
Synagogue, it should go without saying
that interfaith families are included
and welcome, and non-Jewish spouses
should feel at home.
Daniel Alder 212-674-5750
dalder@brotherhoodsynagogue.org
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